Jennifer's Body

Oh stripper lady what wrote Juno, how I love you. This one I reckon will have a strict gender divide based on whether you actually like Megan Fox or not.

Lucy: "So it's Megan Fox which means the whole vehicle will be getting her naked or scantily clad as many times as possible...oh ominous woods to begin - is this not Twilight?

"Megan Fox being complimented and blonde girl from Mamma Mia experiencing lesbian feelings - Sky'll be crushed. Oh, it's ok that Fox is a lunatic because she's only killing boys and she won't be stopped by the stereotype push-over nerd, because god forbid we move out of stereotypes Hollywood."

Yes, Lucy does have a vendetta against America. Salaam Aleikum America.

2012

The disaster movie to end all disaster movies, and the vehicle to allow a million lunatics to be exploited by water companies and air-raid shelter designers. Really, who's going to survive an apocalypse anyway?

Says Lucy: "a news broadcast followed by action, followed by not knowing whether they survive whilst using various modes of transportation, and then a cliched ending with some swearing in the middle - or nearly swearing because god forbid someone actually swears in America."

Geographical satire AND film reviews, all in three-minute packages.

Twilight: New Moon

Okay, so we generally don't care what it's actually called - nor do we care about Robert Pattinson's sunken cheekbones or the girl's anorexic zombie-chic look. I mean, who really enjoys looking at a walking corpse anyway?

Lucy has memorised the entirety of the trailer (she doesn't get out much, bless her), and "it's pretty crap.

"To be honest when there is an actor who is trying so hard to be ripped and then everyone prefers Rob Pattinson anyway it's extremely funny watching him flex his muscles in any scene he's in. And WTF is up with Edward leaving Bella in the woods? It's such a strange place to dump someone, especially while looking constipated.

"And Bella is heavy breathing again...someone should really tell that woman she's not in labour."

At this point she decided to murmur to herself that she's really not funny.

"I love how at the end there is this big parade of people, and she's running through this fountain in the middle of the square and not one person turns to look or thinks it's strange that she's shrieking someones name. Are we moving the conversation on now?"

Yes we are Lucy. Yes we are.